"The Courage to Suffer" (Victor Frankl).

"But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest courage, the courage to suffer" (Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning).  

"In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as a meaning of a sacrifice" (Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning).

Part of the reason I am writing this blog is because for the first time in my life I have realized how much fear women confront throughout their whole childbirth experience. The fear starts at a young age too; at least it did for me, with the wonder: "Will I even be able to give life, to have children of my own?"

I don't know if it's an American cultural thing, but in my environment women didn't talk about childbirth, and children were hidden away when it happened. . . in addition, women didn't breastfeed. When my husband and I first made the decision to commit to having a baby I was shocked to discover how much fear I harbored inside of me, first in the worry of knowing if I could even get pregnant and second in the fear of the pain of childbearing -- no, the second was the worry if I would have a healthy baby. . . which still slightly tingles inside of me as I haven't given birth yet. Point being -- we worry about everything.

The most impactful people for me throughout my whole dance with fear were the midwives, doulas, and shockingly (to me at least) my chiropractor. I will write about them specifically in the future with their contact info and links, as they are just amazing. I witnessed how refreshing and healthy it was to finally have someone tell me that there is nothing to fear. To remind me and to educate me that the same hormone of love we experience while making babies: oxytocin, is the hormone that we naturally create while giving birth to them. 

How is it that I had never heard of this before? How is it that I've had to read books and actively seek out information to discover that making love as often as possible in your last month of pregnancy is perhaps the best thing you can do -- that there is nothing better to soften your cervix than semen or to stimulate contractions in your uterus as an orgasm. Maybe this is not government approved by scientific testing . . .and I forgive my OBGYN for not sharing in the good news . . . but why hadn't I heard this from my girlfriends, from other mothers -- through the feminine grapevine? Sure you can find anything on the internet nowadays, even my blog, but it makes a world of a difference when you hear it from women you know. The midwives, doulas and my male chiropractor were sharing information with me that blew my mind. I especially could not believe how much I had never known about childbirth and about breastfeeding. I didn't even know from word of mouth that contractions came in waves, or that women didn't produce milk in the first few days after birth but made colostrum instead. I am still shocked that the intimate information of childbirth is not more widely shared amongst women. What we seem to choose to focus on instead is our fear. How much childbirth hurt . . .but pain is relative and personal. Some women have been known to experience orgasms while giving natural birth. . .a reminder that one woman's birth experience is not guaranteed for the next. 

My wish is that we women take more of a stand in our birthing experience. Question your doctor. Know your rights. Demand more for yourself and from others. Our system will not change for us until our doctors are confronted with our voices, until our employers, co-workers, neighbors, husbands, children, friends and females alike are forced to face our concerns. This world cannot function without us. Let us honor and own our own power.

The "suffering" and personal growth I've experienced throughout this whole process has been one of the most empowering journeys I've ever embarked on in my whole life. I've witnessed my greatest fear transform into fairy dust right before my eyes . . . and I believe fear is the greatest pain and hurdle of all.

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom" (Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning). 

*Victor Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning, is perhaps one of the most powerful I've ever read.