God Kissed the Land Where You Are From Bruno

    Bruno, "Very important," as your father would say . . . Sassicaia is a Super Tuscan wine from Bolgheri, Tuscany and does not have ANY Sangiovese in it. You must learn this at a young age so as to never embarrass your father, because you are a Tuscan young man, and there are certain responsibilities and a lot of regional Italian pride that come with the territory. As you are male, I'm sure this will not be a difficult trait for you to pick up quickly.
    Let me tell you a little bit about your father. I'll try to tell it like he told it to me. "God kissed the land where he came from and God also kisses the beautiful." So Bruno, expect a lot of kisses from God. You are a Tuscan beauty.
    "The Italian language was born in Tuscany," Bruno I guarantee you'll hear this one often from your Babbo. Your father will then chuckle, "what do you think? We are a land of deficente (morons)? The most famous artists and writers come from Tuscany," and the list will roll off his tongue like a lullaby, "Leonardo da Vinci, Michaelangelo, Dante Alghieri, Donatello, Galileo, Puccini, Verrazzano, Niccolo Machiavelli . . . it is the birthplace of the Renaissance!"
    But let's just be clear, you and me Bruno. This is not why I fell in love with your father. I am a New Yorker and have plenty of my own regional pride. I loved him first and foremost because of the honest tenderness and kindness he had in his eyes for me even when we were just friends. He was the most humble cocky Italian who insisted I walk in front of him so he could look at my ass and compliment it, and be 100% serious and 100% joking all at the same time. This is a skill he will work his hardest to teach you above anything. Your father is as real as it gets. In some of the toughest moments in my life he knew how to just be my best friend, and in the most romantic moments of my life he is the greatest love I've ever known. I'm proud to be a living example for you of best friends in love. Sure we fight, but above all we communicate, we compromise and we learn from each other . . . but recently Bruno, you are the one teaching us more and more, about ourselves, our relationship and about you Bruno. It hasn't even been two weeks but I think you learn very quickly who you are and how you handle life when confronted not by sharks or lions, but by a newborn baby.
    Like be very careful and ready for anything if you eat beans when breastfeeding. You kind of freaked out last night after taking the biggest shit of your life that spurt outside the realms of your diaper into the baby carriage. When we went to change you, your skin was all red and we were worried you were having an allergic reaction, but you were just pissed, and now we know you get red when you're pissed. Then daddy, who hasn't learned yet not to put you on the bed naked, even if he's laying underneath you like he was last night, was like a deer in headlights as you shit and pissed again all over him while your nonni (grandparents) rushed with napkins trying not to let the shit dribble off your daddy's arm onto our bed. We now truly understand that we always need to have a back up set of clean sheets and a blanket. We still don't understand how you piss all over yourself and us and the bed even when you have your diaper on, but we are proud of you because you must have a very strong penis, and this always makes your daddy proud, no matter how many times in a row he must change you. Every day is a new day with you Bruno and sometimes it gets draining, like around 4-6pm or 6-9pm when you have your fussy time, and that happens to be my fussy time as well, but aside from the regular domestic dramatics, our world is a whole new world with you. I haven't even had a proper glass of wine in about eleven months and I don't even care. You are momma and babbo's dream come true, you little Tuscan New Yorker.