May 30, 15
My beautiful little Bruno is sleeping next to me in bed with
his hands touching together like prayer and his plump but perky lips slightly
parted, though he breathes through his nose. Sometimes Massi gets worried and
wants to check to see if he’s breathing and I just watch them both, Bruno’s
chest and stomach moving in and out while Massi worriedly sticks his finger
under Bruno’s nose waiting to feel his breath.
“Why do you always do that?” I
say as I watch Bruno’s stomach pump in and out.
“Because he’s so little. I want to make sure my baby is ok.”
“No, I mean why do you put your finger under his nose when
you can just look at him and see that he is breathing.”
Bruno still sleeps in bed with us, but he sleeps so well I
don’t want to change anything. We get sleep. He never cries. When he wakes up
and he wants to eat he just kicks me and waves his arms. Last night it was
extremely adorable how he tried to wake me up, though if it continues my
adjective might change. He lay on his back and raised both legs and then dropped
them down on my stomach like a wrestling move. I didn’t flinch. He raised his
legs again parallel together and boom, dropped them with force on my stomach.
That was the first time he’s seemed to have such structured strategy about
waking me up. Usually he flutters around and his eyes aren’t even open. These
last few weeks he’s been oscillating between waking every three hours to sleeping
sometimes six hours straight. I can feel a normal life creeping back to me and
as I look back to the first month with him, I can’t even believe how difficult
at was at moments.
Sometimes he just stares at me, well a lot, and it’s the
most amazing gaze of beyond love. It’s life. I am his vitals. He trusts me so much sometimes it's overwhelming. No one
has ever put that much trust into me.
His hands are beautiful and I cut his nails every other day
while I nurse him. Most of the time he lets me hold his hand awkwardly and snip
away. He doesn’t even flinch if I accidentally get some skin.
His hair is growing in really slow and there is a little
bald patch on the back of his head, perhaps from how he lies in the bassinet
and stroller. His eyebrows are blond and his skin seems a touch strawberry
behind them. We wonder if he’ll have hints of red hair. I guess Massi’s
father’s uncle had red hair.
His eyes are blue, but a darker blue, not turquoise from a
shallow Caribbean ocean but beyond in the deeper abyss yet clear like a crystal
ball. More stunning than a sapphire. We will be shocked if they turn brown. He looks so much like a blue eyed
boy forever.
